Hmmmmm Damn! What do I do ?

             

Things that want to change but can’t.

Well, always the day which is memorable in your life, you won’t forget. Though nightmare gives more pain, you forget everything once you wake up. What about the things that happened in real life. Having said” Life and movie isn’t same”. But if you ever realize that some movies made inspiring from real life story…

Right now I can’t say anything about my life. The way life shows me I took that turn. No matter it’s right or wrong. Completely numb. I wish I could Figure out that mysterious girl who’s making my sleepless night. I really Wish I do.

Where I belong?

In the silence that’s totally odd,

In the laughter that’s adequate already,

In the daunting pain of my heart,

In the tenderness in your heart,

Where I belong?

To the world that hauls you less than no time,

To the bitter screams,

Int he everlasting beam,

Where I belong, not a one takes a hint, through there gleam,

Where I belong?

In my reveries of triumph,

In the upshots of failure,

In the unspoken words,

To the battling fields,

Where I belong?

In your smugness,

In my frailties,

Down in the dumps,

Where I belong?

In the stars that shine,

In the confined mind,

....to nowhere, I belong!

Is That Love?????

I don’t know what to write about that mysterious girl. I don’t even know when did I fell in the love. I might now have good personality but yeah I certainly believe that love doesn’t have need anything. (Maybe just heard somewhere never tried :P). Yaar as usual I am kind of getting fear to talk with her to face to face.

Hey mysterious girl, why did you spoiling my dreams,

While the scene is quite beautiful as we walking on the empty road and eating ice-cream,

I wish I could tell you directly what I fell, then,

The inside sounds shattered into my heart saying what if she rejects.

Whenever we met, you always look different,

Still I wonder, is that your cloth, is that hairstyle or is it you?

I wish I could tell you what I feel,

I wish you could understand the feelings that

I have always been kept silent on the meeting,

I really wish, I do.


P.S. I don't know is that love or just attraction but I am fucking loving it :P still playing hide and seek 

Random! Hypothetical

Oh Dear! No one can express how much I love you

Its not the way you look, nor the touch or whisper

It’s not the way you see nor hear or feel

But then I’m unable to express, no matter how many words I take

Why my heart beat stops, when I see you?

Oh was that so easy to fall in love that I can’t help myself

That I never realized, life is so incomplete without you in it.

Wish I could tell you, before it’s late

I still don’t understand why it’s so complicated

To let you know, that it will always be just you.

when I called it was nothing

is that called a love or it was just an attraction?

the foolish move did everything wrong.

may be i have to believe on the destiny.

Everything is messed up. life and love.

P.S. I don't know what I have written. It just the random poem. "Iska kisi vastavikta se koi sambndh nahi". Here I refers to the hypothetical person. :P  

Moon Or You? ! No comparison!

Your eyes are certainly very talkative.

Speaking a lot with the silent message.

One says moon is nice but,

Your beauty is equal to the twice of it

I doubt, Moon might wondering after watching your face

And that is the reason to conceal on new moon night.

Doesn’t matter you like me or not,

Doesn’t matter you ever stare me or not,

But, I found there is something new every day,

I am still confused, Is it talking style, your clothes or you ?

Just take a look in the mirror, you will find another moon

That isn’t established or searchable in the whole galaxy

As your beauty has no comparison with the moon or starts. 

The Thing…..Pain…..!

Do you know what gives the pain most? For one it maybe an accident. For one its love. For one it might a headache. But for those, “an empty stomach”.

It was a Saturday. Unfortunately, my personal ATM card was blocked. I had only 30 bucks in my pocket. I never depend on my salary but it was away from two days. I had gone to my friend’s house by bus and when I reached to my destination, there was something that screaming, Yeah! My stomach. So, I went to the Vadapaw Tapri. Give a though to ate then will smoke. 30 bucks were enough for it. However, I ordered one. Realized one child was dragging my pant, and pointing towards the Vadapaw. So, I ordered two, and then there were three children more dragging my pant of other leg. So, ordered four. Had only 30 bucks. I wasn’t eaten.  Gave to those poor children. Sometimes, you don’t wish to eat although you are too hungry. It was my situation.

Finally, I missed my ciggi and bought two happydent with remaining two Rs. We give a damn that my salary wasn’t enough, I don’t have girlfriend, my personality is not good or I don’t have enough hair, I don’t have money to buy everything and Bla Bla Bla. Have you ever think about them? They only have a sense about their stomach. A poor child. They only live for it and die because of it.

On other hand, I had nothing in my pocket. So, I apprehended that there were no different between them and me except my clothings. 

Pain is really a vital thing that give us the hope that you have something to cry.

P.S. It was really an outstanding experience and sometimes this happens not by choice but it was by co-incident. And we forget the message given by the narrator in it. Maybe I could forget something but I have written what I felt.

I feel like a give up!

Nowadays, I feel like a give up but my mind can't stop thinking about you.. Is there any medicine to prevent it?


Here I am, Unable to remove you from my mind,
Unable to express my feelings, Unable to say a thing,
Unable to move and come in the present,
Enthralling  all the words, chat and Messages,




Najane ye dil samjhata kyoun nahi,
Najane kyoun mai aajkal bekarar sa rehata hun,
Koi to hai is dil me jiskeliye ye dil tadapta hai,
Kya isi ko pyyar kehate hai,
Kash mai usese baat kar pata,
keh pata jo hai dil me par, 
Ye dil darta hai, Dard bhi deta hai,
Jo bhi khuda se manga dilse,
khuda ne usi dil ko tadpaya hai,
Shayad isliye ye dil darta hai tumese baat karne me,
Kiyounki jo dilese manga wo nahi mila isliye najane ye dil bohot darta hai...
Kaise samjhau ise kaise uljhau  ise?

I.......... And You ....... We......

Mesmerizing, the way you look at me,

As it touches deep down my soul

Bringing me back to the wonderland, to be in my dream,

Was it planned this way?

That I was meant for you,

I wonder how you steal my destiny

From the hands of fate, Coz I know

You came my way out of nowhere to be my side forever.

I love you from bottom of my heart,

Your voice is really makes me numb,

I think I am in love or I am dumb,

I wish you could understand the feelings,

That pain, that dream, that memory

And that………………

more than anyone can show or do.

I really, I wish, I do, I care, I love.

and I will.

Forget the title........

As you walk away from the empty road

Not looking only at me, but I think you make a fake smile inside,

As if nothing really mattered –

As long as I am not dreaming;

Did you knew the conspiracy, the world set for me

That the road had a dead end;

I wish I had told you, before it was too late-

Before you took the wrong turn-

Now it’s all empty, with dead ends everywhere.

I have decided to destroyed my life as

I am not getting any direction of my life.

Did I think that I was already died in your memory?

This Is Me And You

Are we still playing? I’m so used to this,

But still you surprise me every time

With those casual glances just to make sure you are around me

And to look away like it didn’t matter if you were there or not.

I’m not bored; I don’t want to wake up, when I dreamt of you

Many times you are too busy with your work

But then you surprise me by suddenly appearance

And carry me away to our world.

I never expected you to say ‘love you’

Nor I expected you to stay,

I never asked you anything nor did I express

I just knew that, you will be around, but again

I am hoping that you would surprise me by a vow to the world that “you’re mine”!

I hope, you will do it, I really hope. 

The day or Night....

Time, the great healer, there you stand!

Like the warrior who lost the battle-

Unable to mend the broken soul

Oh! The pieces are crushed all way

With nothing left but imperfections

But I was meant to live with the odds

Though you took your precious time to seize

What a waste it has been, I knew it all the way!

The day, I would be alone and Searching my own soul in my own !.

Rishi Modi- Company owner cum coolest and awesomest person.

Guys, I am really feeling proud and happy today as I had talked with the “awesomest” and coolest personality. The owner of a company where I am working, Rishi modi. I supposed to talk with them since last four month but never get an opportunity. Today, I sat in the office till late and they come into my boss’s cabin. I guess they were angry and was doing argue on a phone so I thought it’s not a right time. However, when they finished and going, I raised my hand ( I thought in my mind that if a person is good then he can manage their angriness)  and said, sir, they came towards me, then I politely said, “Sir I wanna talk with you, if you are in good mood.” Guess what ? that person was in bad mood but they didn’t showed me and sit beside me with very calm.  We had chat for more than half an hour. I asked everything. It’s wasn't related to my office issue. It was about the personal things. I solicited the issue of “The secret book”. I asked that “Sir, I have seen that movie in 2007. I don’t believe on it.  But, when I heard your speech in an annual day, I decided to talk with you on this topic…..  The two questions that I requested and I got the proper answer.

1. I had started the website in 2006 and I was getting good money, then after sometime I handover it to  one of my friend till my exam gets over and he sold it out at $5000. while I don't care about it but my question is here. Why he broke my trust although” I didn’t attract it according to the law of attraction. What's wrong? 

2. My second question was, I was playing football but it stopped suddenly, I wouldn’t even think about it. So , why does it happen?

To be honest, they satisfied me with an accurate answers, I hardly say, but this person is very nice with good personality, with good talking style, with good in nature, with good in everything. Although, they aren't my Ideal, I liked something which belongs to me . Maybe I am not that much capable to debate with them, but certainly I called it discussion rather than debate or argue.  ( they liked it too. that's enough for me)

I said I am gonna through the secret book. It’s over , he replied "  ... ..."

P.S.  I undoubtedly appreciated that they proffer me their valuable time. In fact, feeling good and proud. I hope I would get more time to talk with such good person. Perhaps, It shouldn’t be meeting. I don’t like meetings. I am not responsible person at all. … hehehehehe ,…….

P.P.S. Here I used “they” instead of “he/him/his” because Sir, you rock J Respect* muhhaaaa………:">.

Regardless of saying, my gf showed me that movie 5 times and bro showed me more than 10 times,  I don’t believe on it yet. I watched it as they forced me …and it has bring smile on their face 

Am I Crazy, Mad? Yeah! I am....

Crazy, Pagal, ullu, emotion fool, they call; I am, now and always,

Your philosophy, principle and my madness,

Your silence and my confusion,

For all the unreciprocated question, those silly chat and comment,

The distance, time and friendship we have lost or keeping away,

Just be realize that I never close, neither I will be,

But still searching for my own soul in me,

To speak my heart and make a fool to make peace,

I seldom believed that you will realize it till the day,

But I know the game life play with you and me,

Oh! The silent cry, stop searching soul, stop crying the shattered soul 

May you would get peace, remain hold, never to be known or unknown,

By the impulse of inane emotion, for all those words broken in appalled.

Totally fucked.... :(

I am fucking depressed. I don’t care if  this post goes into the depression. I don’t know what to do. Should I be happy or sad? My bro has wedding in May. And now I have to leave my home. My house’s space is too less and I know my bro and bhabhi will need privacy. My mom-dad won’t give me a hint but I realize that “ mujhe ab kahi rent pe rahena prega”. Nowadays, I am not earning much trough online income and I can’t depend on my job salary. I didn’t take a single rupee from my parents since 6 years. I have lots of problem in my life these days.   I don’t like to be frustrated. I just try to be happy. I believe that there is no worth to be angry or sad. Maybe I am just trying to show the happiness on my face although I am not.  

I don’t want to leave my family and live lonely. But, there isn’t option. Perhaps, it just for 1 or 2 year. I love my family. Even if this is a big problem, I will not bend.  Someone has told Its life so hota hai re don’t be depressed…. Earlier, I smoked only 2 ciggi in a day but now I used to smoke thrice or more.   

I know it's called life that’s why I am living careless and carefree. I have seen some people who get frustrated and remove the angriness on others. Example is my HR and some people.   I am happy for my brother.. However, feeling sad that I have to leave a home. I can’t say anything. It’s life. Doesn’t wait for anyone. Leave it or live it. :D now I am relaxed.  Let it be. Guys enjoy each moment. :D \:D/ Jhingalala hoo Jhingalala ho HOO HOO HOO !!!  

P.S. I hardly proofread my blogs as

"Kabhi kabhi dili ki baat juban pe lana muskil ho jata hai,

Likhana to aasan hai padhana muskil ho jata..." :((

P.P.S: Chetan look a room on rent for me. sigh……

The Thing called love........... Is it?

I found you in my dreams but still I feel incomplete

The thing will be fine for me to meet you,

I dream of you the whole day, I dream of you the whole night,

When I dream of you first time and saw your smile, it was love at first sight,

I am so happy to see your smile; I never want to come down of this laugh,

You have so much passion inside, that would never allow me to say hi or goodbye,

I feel so lonely without you near, wishing you to say everything without any fear,

So you melt in your passion with you all wisdom, beauty and charms,

I want you to feel like the air I breathe, I like you with all my heart,

I will be here for you always when you need, no matter how far apart or you like me or not.

hey! Tusi na ja :( :P

Guys, I was totally screwed with the work. The whole pressure fall on me today. But how could I forget to read your blogs? However, I was reading one blog which makes me numb. Yeah I am talking about my office colleague’s blog. Swati. She had told me once that “ Manoj you are totally adorable and cute”. OMG. At least one chic told me that.  But, I read your post swat “just typed my resignation later”. Why yaar? Why are you leaving the firm? I remember when I told you that I am leaving the firm, you were one of them who told me don’t do. So, I changed my department. I know we both like freelancing and we are getting good money. I don’t know when you will leave. But I just know that you have given a resignation latter on sat and only few people knows it. I am literally feeling so bad. One of my good friends is leaving.  I wish you could stay my friend forever … and all the best for your feature. I don’t know I am adorable or not. But the truth is you are soo cute and beautiful.. geele aggarbati.  :P. I hope you will enjoy your work and sis’s wedding. Keep writing, keep rocking and keep smiling. I am always updated with your blog. “Pardon” is the word that you have heard from me because of  your lower tone. :-j Very nice trick: P. you have good ability to attract the people.  I can just say, “tussi na jaa” :( :P. I read some reason of leaving like auto fair. Monthly 6k. If my mom would allow bike, I would be able to drop you. Unfortunately, I can’t. Let it be. I am eagerly waiting for your wedding so that I can dance on the floor. ( btw are gonna marry or not?). I am really sorry I couldn’t fulfill your wish to play a guitar because left it too early and now getting difficult to play it again. But soon I will do it. 

Today, one boy and me 

were 

reading  your blog. I don’t know why people get jealous about anyone. He told me that your blogs are so stupid. But I guess it’s not. After all, everyone has personal feelings. He talked with me for half an hour but I haven’t debate with that boy. Who cares? I just take all things too lightly. You rocks \m/. I don’t know what his name. But he writes blog as well. And I appreciate it. 

P.S. guys there is no need to get jealous yaar. Just do what you want. I am sure that you will get success.

P.P.S. damn! Philosophy is enough. :P Now it’s time to pack up and back to a home.

                                                                                                                              

Hindu-Muslim conflict me dosto ko kyoun marna ?

I am writing this at 3 a.m of Sunday. Guys you won’t believe but we just say “hindu-muslim sab bhai-bhai hai” but I couldn’t agree more. Recently, my friends were talking something. I was doing some work on lappy. After some time they asked me “manoj tujhe kya lagta hai” I said “ tum aa rahe ho to aao but me jatoy” ( It means I am going). I am talking about one of Muslim friend. That boy asked us for a dinner as it was holi. Some of them were debating that he is not good person, I don’t like Muslim and all bulshit. When they asked me I replay one of them” are you philosopher? He said “no. I told “then you must be god”. He replied no. again I said in low tone “then who the fuck are you to judge the people” everyone was quite.  After sometime. One of my friend said “manoj tu chup re”  I replied “ me chupach hoto, who told  you to take my advice?” it was around 3:30. No one was talking. Finally, I said sorry guys although it isn't my fault. but mom says "sorry bolne se koi chota bada nahi ho jata. I took one beer And  played one songs "4 baj gaye hai ab to party abhi baki hai… mere dost hai naraj aur party"….but this incident realized me something.

However, my question is here why person segregate the people according to religion, color and all? I believe that everyone is same until and unless he/she undertake any harmful activity. (it may be physical or mental)..    Jane de. I hope some of them are reading this and they will understand why I did that…..  I hardly make debate but please yaar mere samane to don’t say like this….

P.S. Friend is friend.. No matter he is Muslim, Marathi or Bihari.  No matter he is rich or poor… :)

P.P.S. while I was writing this , I remember Nana Paterkar’s movie “ Krantiveer”. I guess you should watch it….

P.P.P.S. Crap :P 

Holi hai. where is gabbar ?

Holi 

hmmm what to say.  I don’t know US me hoti hai ya nahi. Royal, have you ever experienced?  Anyways well, guys gabbar is not only a man who is desperately waiting for holi. Everyone is. I wish in this holi, I could put a rang on a mysterious girl. I wish mai uske rang me doob jaou. I wish background me mast song baje like mujhe rang de mujhe rang de… I wish I will be one of the lucky person who could put a rang on her. I just wish… anyways my poem :P.. 

The smile in your eyes,

The charm in your talk,

The sweetness in your spice

The ease in your walk

The mood from low to high,

The shy behind the angry glare,

The laugh behind your angriness

The awkward glance in your stare,

The kid in your office suit,

The blabbermouth when you're mute,

The sweetness in your word,

You silky hair, ruffle with glee

While talking with the friends,

The argument and debate you inevitably cease.

When everything is perfect, things are still so wrong,
This is bloody fiction, how did you like this song? :P

Disclaimer:- while writing this poem, one songs is playing in a background. Jiv rangala. Awesome song. Everyone must listen. Doesn’t matter your know Marathi or not.  

P.S. happy holi to everyone. Enjoy with a color of joy.. 

P.P.S. I know some of them don't like it but try karke dekho.... :D 

Living my life carelessly carefree??

Right now I am not sure about anything. A call from one of my close friend got me thinking on it. I don’t know where life’s heading. I don’t know why I am even preparing for CAT. I am not feeling to give any exam. I am not even taking it seriously. There is a still ness inside. I am not happy right now. You can say I am living life just like that. May be one who is enjoying life doesn’t mean he is happy. One who shows the happiness to other doesn’t mean he is happy.   I don’t want to take career decisions. Yesterday, I went to drink tea with the friends on tapari and I realize that I want my life to go on like this. Without any worries. Trust me. I don’t want to do MBA I don’t want to do job in big corporate house. I am happy with my online income and job. I want to live college life again but. I always took study lightly yet obtained good marks don’t know why. My parents have good expectation from me. From last few months, I am literally forcing myself for tensed. Unlike the college life, I was so different now.

I love that phone call whom I describe earlier in this post. She told me that take MBA seriously.  I talked continues 15 min.  I love her advice. After all. She is doing MBA from JBIMS which is one of the top institutes. Maybe I will get admission in that.   She is really very conscious about her life but I am not. Yet I always obtained similar grade. How is it possible that two different thinking people have similar path at the end?  She had given CAT or CET I don’t know but this year. So I presume if SHE is asking me to take CAT seriously toh kuch soch ke hi kaha hoga.. Now I am 1 year behind her (in case of study) let’s see… but I want to fly away like a bird in the open sky without any kind of limitations. Without having no explain myself to people.

Here it is poem on my life.

Walking, walking on a empty road,

Playing life's cricket but there is no score on the board,

Tried, tried, but there is no changes in life,

Tired, tired, and tired of this life.

Goofing with the parents,

Crying with the corporate,

Mysteries girl changing the path,

Making own path of my wonderland,

Life isn’t easy but it isn’t hard,

I lost or win, I won’t get award,

ROFL moment of the office.

I guess everyone had felt embarrassing moment in their life. (Don’t lie I have read). It’s my turn. Yesterday, I was feeling uncomfortable. There was something wrong which I don’t know. It’s second time of a day when I was going to the toilet for vomiting. The embarrassing part is that second time, I didn’t locked the door properly. Suddenly, one girl opened it and closed it immediately . OMFG, it was really bad moment. I think she was from my ex department (content writer). Oh great! It was just vomiting.. Thanks god.. Just imagine what would happen if….. Let it be…By the way, if she were entered, then she could see the yesterday's dinner, morning's breakfast and today's lunch :P.

when I wrote this I remember your blog appo. My case isn’t sensitive than yours :P. while I read your blog, I can’t stop laughing.  :-j.  Who cares? It feels good when someone reads and laughs on your blog. BIG lol.  I hope the girl who sitting beside me won’t irritate me. she used to do it. I don’t know what she gets. But I feel good if someone get happy by commenting one me.

P.S. No P.S. just laugh.. =))